50 Word Mini-Saga (Edited)

Daddy Dearest

"He loves you, you know," Her mother tells her one night, tucking her in.
"He scares me," She admits, quietly. "He shouts a lot."
"He's just under a lot of stress lately," Her mother explains,
laying a heavy hand on her daughters head.
"That hurts."
"He really does love you," Her mother insists,"He loves all of his children.
Every single one of us."

66 words

Daddy Dearest - edited

"He loves you, you know," Mother tells her one night, tucking her in.
"He scares me," She admits, quietly, timid. "He shouts alot."
"He's just under a lot of stress lately, he really does love you," Mother insists, ardently. "He loves all of his children. Every single one of us."

50 words

Opening to Dystopian Radio Play

(Office/Classroom setting)

(Characters: Correctional Officer - around mature adulthood in age, clipped voice, formal register, articulate, Student - young middle childhood, voice should indicate young age, male)

- open scene -

Correctional Officer: Next!

(sound effect of automatic door sliding open, then closed)

Correctional Officer: Registration number.

Student: Six. Nine. Two. Four. Sir.

Correctional Officer: Computer, enter registration code six-nine-two-four. (computerised beep) District designation.

Student: District Angustus, sir.

Correctional Officer: Computer, enter district sector Angustus. (beep) Display file. (beep)

(pause) It says here you are registered as Rene Hemlein in the database. Is this how I am to refer to you?

Student: No, sir. 

Correctional Officer: How am I to refer to you?

Student: I am my registration number. Sir.

Correctional Officer: That is correct. In your district educational facility, how do your peers and superiors refer to you?

Student: By my rank, sir. 

Correctional Officer: As they should. And what is your rank?

(silence)

Correctional Officer: Six-nine-two-four, you will answer me. 

Student: (slight indignation) Surfeit, sir.

Correctional Officer: I see. What selfish parents you have.

Student: I resent them. Sir.

Correctional Officer: As you should. As a Surfeit, you are on borrowed time. A pitiful life if you ask me. Tell me, in the event of hyper-rationing, or mass famine, what does mandate state Surfeit’s do?

Student: Report to the Caedes Corpus, sir. 

Correctional Officer: And what is it you will do there, Surfeit?

Student: Lay down my life for the cause, sir.

Correctional Officer: In whose grace?

Student: The Emperor.

Correctional Officer: Who do you belong to, Surfeit?

Student: The Emperor.

Correctional Officer: Who is our saviour?

Student: The Emperor.

Correctional Officer: Hail.

Student: Unto the pure, all things are pure. Long live the Emperor.

Correctional Officer: Dismissed.

(automatic door opening, closing)

Correctional Officer: Computer, open progression notes on file six-nine-two-four. Open text. Subject displaying indications of defection, case in point; hesitation at response, unprompted admittance of feelings, perception of resentment towards rank. Close text. Issue file as red flagged.

(computerised beep)

Correctional Officer: Next!

- end scene -

Fantasy Novel, Blog and Commentary

Write the opening to a fantasy novel were an imaginary world is introduced to the reader

At  the edge of a clearing, nestled between the pine-scented fringe of a forest and the stretching infinite of a lake - mirroring the sky - there was a cottage. A squat little cottage; adorned with wind chimes and bird bones - keeping the evil out. Inside there lived a girl, whose bones were as light as the ones protecting her home.

She could often be found humming in her kitchen, sprinkling a smattering of stardust into her cauldron, adding flakes of lizard skin here and there, a hint of nightshade for flavour.

Other times, the bird boned girl would clamber to the roof of her cottage, dig her little fingers into the scratchy thatch roof, and look out over the lake.

The lake was a serene slice of water, a patch of the sky sewn onto the ground. It often reminded the girl of a dragon scale, in shape - a rounded off diamond design, sleek and smooth, iridescent. 

It was cupped by the ground, as if the earth were two mossy hands dipped into the water to take a drink. Trees hemmed the edge, great, towering things that would lean inward, poised over the lake as if to hear the secrets of the creatures below its surface. Framing the horizon, two mountains ridged out of the earth, angry and rigid, like the clenched knuckles of some pagan God.

The girl would sit here for hours. Perhaps full days, if she dared brave the dark blanket of nightfall and all the beasts hidden beneath it. She would sit there, scanning the plane of the water, eating her lizard skin soup. Sometimes, if she were very, very lucky  and very, very still, she'd catch a glimpse of the woman in the lake. Just a half moon of a face, two dark eyes peering up at her in the night - there only for a moment, and then vanishing as soon as she came.

Write a blog entry in which you describe a new place you have visited

13/05/07

Hey guys, it's  me again,

You won't believe the encounter I had yesterday, it was totally whack!

So, you know how I mentioned the letter I got from that sketchy motel place in Oregon in my entry the other week? Well, I'm gonna be honest with you here guys, my curiosity got the better of me even if the rumours seemed pretty bogus.

Anyway, I decided to check it out, and boy, did I get a shock! Yeah, yeah I know what you're thinking, I'm just winding you guys up - just hang in there okay? This is the real deal, I promise.

So - Saturday night, me and Jack - that friend from Uni I told you about a few weeks ago - pitch up at this crummy motel. Let me just set the scene here okay, because we were as skeptical as you are right now. The sign is hanging off its hinges, the porch literally creaked when we stood on it - I swear to God the stairs were so rotten we almost went through them - and to top it all off, one of the windows was smashed in, covered up with some flimsy cling film or something. Yeah, skeptical was being generous. It was seeming like the letter was just to get publicity, after all.But we'd been driving for hours, and we'd needed sleep regardless of whether the derelict little shack was going to give us a scoop or not.

We go in, lead by this old dude that practically looked like the crypt keeper, and immediately the lights start flickering. Yeah, I know, old motel, crappy electricity, we didn't make much of it either. 

But the old crypt keeper over there? He looked like he was ready to get the hell out of dodge.

Maybe there was something in here with us, after all.Well,there was only one way of finding out.

We made it to our room without further mishap, even if the old guy looked pretty shaken. Jack said it was just for show but something was off. You know that gut feeling you sometimes get? Like intuition or whatever, it was just like that - and you know how stubborn I get when I have a feeling about something.I've said it before and I'll say it again, always follow your gut instinct guys, it's never let me down.

Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent. The real fun starts at midnight. Cliche, right? Witching hour, really setting the scene, our ghostie had a thing for theatrics it seems.

We hear this noise, like a mix between a car starting and a fox scream. And then everything goes to shit. Stuff starts flying off shelves, Jack's bed starts vibrating across the floor, the room goes cold - the works. And there's been comments before about how I'm quick to jump to conclusions - but I'm convinced this time, guys. This is the real thing. Stuff doesn't just move like that on its own.

It was just a 10 minute interval and then it stopped. Just like that.

But, by God, it was enough. I was sold. There was definitely something else in that room with us.

The next morning - this morning in fact - me and Jack were buzzed, having stayed up all night with excitement. The motel keeper didn't exactly share our enthusiasm when we told him, seemed more spooked than ever, poor guy. We plan to see him again soon though, booked a stay next weekend to see what else we can find out about the place - hell, it is wasn't for Uni we'd have booked the full week. We're definitely going to get to the bottoms of this. I'm talking history, folklore, death records, local graveyards - if this place is the real deal, I wanna put it on the map.

I mean that's the point right? People deserve to know the truth about ghosts.

Ah, I could go on all night talking about this stuff, but my professor would probably kick my ass if I sleep in his class again!

So I guess that's all for this week guys, be sure to check out my next update! In the meantime, keep sending in your spooky experiences, me and Jack love hearing about them. :D

(I've left a link on my home page to the details for the motel place if any of you guys wanna check it out)

Keep it creepy, 

Max 

Write an analytical commentary that compares and contrasts your choice of style, form and context in both the fantasy novel and blog

In terms of style, I focused on setting the scene and using descriptive language for the fantasy novel whilst the blog held a more informal, chatty tone with high frequency lexis, slang phrases and a clear idiolect to portray a distinct personality.

In order to set the scene for the fantasy novel, I initially kept the focus on the 'cottage' where the protagonist lives. From this reference point, I could delve into descriptive language of the surrounding area, illustrating where everything is in relation to each other to give a real sense of place.I did this by employing a series of prepositions, moving outward from the centre of the lake - for example "hemmed" when referring to the trees and "framing the horizon" when mentioning the mountains. This created a central focus of the lake as an important fixture in the novel in the small microcosm introduced so far.

I also employed descriptive literary techniques to inspire graphic imagery.For example, the metaphorical phrase "a patch of sky sewn onto the ground" implies the reflective appearance of the surface, whilst the lexical choice of "serene slice" creates a sense of 'hushed' sound with the alliteration and sibilance, giving it a euphonic quality. Aside from this, the lexical choice of the adjective "serene" inspires connotations of tranquility, which is further developed by imagery of a 'slicing' motion; clean cut and smooth - which was the overall effect and mood I wanted to incite by the image.

As for the blog, I used high frequency lexis to portray a relaxed, chatty tone with late teenage/early adult slang terminology, casual taboo lexis and a clear idiolect such as "totally whack" and "crummy motel" to create a sense of character and target audience for the blog. I kept the tone fairly light hearted and upbeat, trying to keep the topic of ghost hunting appealing to the target audience of roughly university aged students who believe in, or are willing to be convinced of, the paranormal. 

There are clear anaphoric references to previous events, e.g."mentioned...in my entry the other week" throughout the text, which I used to portray the fact that the blog is well established and has gained responses, as is the purpose of any well-run blog. This is also expressed by the personal collective pronoun "guys" when referring to his readers/audience, by  showing a personal/amicable relationship between himself and the viewers. The 'cheesy' phrasing of "keep it creepy" adds a personal touch,  in a fond way that expresses that 'Max' is passionate about what he does, and enjoys franchising it.

As for form, I included the lexical field of magic in my fantasy piece, as ideas of magical influence is a common genre convention in fantasy novels. Phrases such as “dragon scale” and “keeping the evil out” introduce a concept of an alternative world setting than our own, governed by the stereotypical balance of ‘good’ and ‘evil’ and mythical beasts such as dragons. This is further developed by my metaphorical imagery of the landscape being held by “two mossy hands”, giving connotations of a large godlike creatures, a description that is later honed by my mention of “pagan Gods” and all the mystical folklore that entails. 

Using a third person narrator voice, I kept the details of the protagonist scant in order to create a sense of mystery around the character, adding only the description of her “bird boned” figure to insight a degree of fondness within the reader, as the phrasing gives connotations of vulnerability when linked with the idea of a young child.

With the blog, I kept to a letter layout, by including the date, directly addressing the audience in an engaging personal way - “hey guys, it’s me again” - and ending by signing off informally, as if speaking to a friend. This builds a amicable relationship between the reader/audience and the blog writer, keeping it personal and interesting. Personal pronouns kept it in the first person narrative, as it was a personal account of events, whilst exclamatory sentences were used for dramatic emotive statements, and graphology (“:D”) and idiolect were used to portray a sense of personality. Using appropriate blog jargon e.g.”link”/“homepage” establishes a sense of professionalism and understanding in his hobby/career as a blogger.

In terms of context, both pieces require a wider understanding of the topics to be fully understood. For example, in the fantasy piece, I have made references to ‘pagan Gods’, which entails controversial religions and naturalistic deities - without this understanding, the implications as a magical realm would be lost on the reader. As for the blog, there are numerous references to previous blog entries that only an avid follower of the blog would understand. In this way, both contextual references are tailored to suit the target audience.

Relationship Between Toph and Dave Redraft - AHWOSG

How does Eggers present the relationship between him and Toph in chapters 1-5 of  AHWOSG?

Redraft 

Eggers uses imagery of protection, displays of immaturity and flashes of insecurity in order to present the dysfunctional dynamic between Toph and Dave’s younger self.

Eggers presents Dave’s feeble attempts at responsibility and protection over Toph with the symbolic imagery of painting superheroes on Toph’s bedroom wall “ for decoration and protection”. The concept of combining those nouns is childish, but the abstract noun “protection” inspires connotations of familial instincts, affection and care - a concept that might resonate with a parental reader. A younger audience might respond in a more reluctantly sentimental way, as the gaudy gesture is a rather embarrassing - thus resonating more with Toph.

This concept of guardianship is developed by Dave’s propensity for segregating Toph and himself apart from other families, as exemplified by the declarative sentence “We are orphans.As orphans, we are celebrities.”. The inclusive pronoun “we” separates Toph and Dave from the others, setting them apart in a distinct categorical way.Meanwhile, the nouns “orphans” and “celebrities” are almost oxymoronic in terms of contrasting status, which in and of itself contradicts the sentiment Dave is attempting to convey. Eggers uses this contrast in order to present Dave’s desperate attempts to portray his and Toph’s significance - he believes that their tragic circumstances elevate their status, an example of Dave’s sense of entitlement for Toph and himself. Eggers first introduced the concept Dave’s sense of entitlement for Toph and himself at the beginning of chapter 2, with the declarative “we are owed”, which gives connotations of significance and rewards with the verb “owed”, whilst again grouping Toph and himself into the inclusive pronoun “we”.

In contrast to Dave’s brazen ideas of self-importance, Eggers often presents the entropic state of their living arrangements in order to reflect the state of their dysfunctional relationship, specifically with the idea of Dave “converting Toph to [his] slovenly ways.” The lexical choice of the gerund verb “converting” brings forth concepts of manipulation and corruption whilst the adjective “slovenly” inspires connotations of lazy unkemptness and languid nonchalance. The negative connotations of this lexis might concern the reader and motivate them to see Dave as an unfit role model who is detrimental to Toph’s development.

This underlying negative perception of the way Dave parents Toph is frequent and rather alarming to the reader in some cases. For example, Dave describes a roleplay game in the second chapter entailing Dave as an abusive father and Toph as the child victim; “Our best trick, it to pretend, for the benefit of the neighbours, that I’m beating Toph with a belt.” Eggers uses the lexical phrase “best trick” to summarise Dave’s perception of the act, with the noun “trick” already giving connotations of ill-mannered schemes, and the pre-modifying adjective “best” allowing the reader to understand that Dave is clearly proud of such misconduct. The sarcastic declarative “for the benefit of the neighbours” displays Dave’s selfish disregard for others comfort at the expense of his own amusement.

Perhaps the most alarming of all is Dave’s own spiel of paranoid thoughts about Toph, ranging from the relatively mild fear of social services in response to their state of entropy to the rather disconcerting flight of fancy in chapter 5, wherein Dave describes graphic depictions of Toph’s torture and murder during his absence. During a debate with himself, Dave shows the reader his indecisive nature when faced with the uncertainty of Toph’s wellbeing; “There is no risk.But there is risk. But the risk is worth it.” The repetitive use of the conjunction “but” shows Dave’s  conflicting viewpoints, presenting Dave as ill-equipped in dealing with a dilemma concerning Toph’s safety with any stability or rationality.The reiterative use of verb “risk” inspires the feeling of a constant threat for the reader, as it is the focus for each statement. The fact that the statements are simple sentences hastens the pace, adding to the hyper vigilant back and forth of Dave’s scatterbrained thoughts and creates impact with each declarative. 

In conclusion, Eggers often presents Dave as bad role model of Toph, sometimes to the point of risking Toph’s wellbeing. Dave is manipulative in his intentions towards Toph, immature in his search of entertainment and insecure in the face of making the right decisions to Toph’s best interest. Despite this, Dave’s overprotective nature, brotherly affection and loneliness in the absence of Toph makes their dynamic, although dysfunctional, rather unconventionally charming and sentimental.Although the more rational, parental figures of the audience may be more reluctant to allow Dave’s guardianship of Toph, other, perhaps younger, members of the audience might be reluctant to see them separate. 

Women Essay

How Does Eggers Present Women in AHWOSG?

Eggers presents Dave's view of women in very distinctive categories, often valuing them based on physical or practical use rather than any personal or emotional aspects. Anyone not falling within these parameters is deemed inadequate to Dave and are often ridiculed in terms of age or appearance, and Eggers uses this to present Dave's constant dehumanisation of women and inability to perceive them as equal.

For example, Dave's apparent ageism becomes clear with his statement "by and large they're ugly - old enough to have mothered me." The collective phrase 'by and large' segregates the mothers apart from Dave, and by grouping them as such, he dehumanises the women - taking away their individuality and labelling them 'ugly', a derogative adjective that gives connotations of ghastly unattractiveness."Old enough to have mothered me" expresses the concept that age is linked with responsibility and parenthood - something Dave identifies as boring and outdated ad evidenced by the  quote "they are the old model and we are the new" when referring to the older generation whilst on the beach with Toph. The metaphor gives the connotations that, in the general scheme of things, the mothers are rapidly becoming unnecessary and replaced by Dave's generation, which he feels is superior.

In terms of appearance, Eggers presents Dave as having a particularity for perfection. He often associates stereotypically 'normal' physical standards with health and happiness, as expressed by the quote "taller than her parents, heavier than me - I want Toph to make her happy" assuming that because of her 'abnormal' height and weight she is unhappy. The comparative phrase 'heavier than me' is egocentric, as it focusses on Dave as the comparative standard, and the overall statement is offensive and degrading. This concept of perfection is further developed by the quote "Marney's breasts...are uneven. June is normal - with everything perfectly in place." The contrasting adjectives 'uneven' and 'perfect' express his strict intransigent view of body standards, which further dehumanises women, in terms of the fact that he is unforgiving in the face of anything that diverts from his perception of 'normal'.

This obsession with perfection follows through to his objectification of women, best expressed by his statement "for 10 dollars, there had better be some very impressive nude women down there." The imperative statement "had better be" expresses his sense entitlement and expectation, solidified by the quote " I expected single mothers ad flirting." The personal pronoun 'I' followed by the stative verb 'expected' exemplifies his egocentric behaviour ands misguided sense of entitlement in reference to how he is supposedly 'owed' attractive women.

Eggers is fully aware of his presentation of Dave's objectification and naivety in his pursuits of women, shown by the retrospective statement "I honestly thought" in reference to ow he though his advances/ fantasies of women would play out. The adverb 'honestly' expresses his sincere naivety, and in hindsight, he realises he was mistaken. Eggers constantly refers back to Dave's obsession with making a family with each reasonably acceptable woman he finds. For example, upon meeting the interviewer, Dave states "I want to settle down with her, raise a family with her." These cliched phrases are twisted imitations of romantic overtures found in more lighthearted situations, commonly found in romance genre novels, not in the memoirs of a manic depressive man desperate to stabilise his life with the semblance of a family.

In conclusion, Eggers present Dave as having a rather utilitarian approach to women, categorised by their use, best expressed by the quote " She is my mother, my girlfriend, my wife" which rather encapsulates Dave's view of women: a familiar comfort of a mother - which he is attempting to separate himself from in his new generation style of raising Toph - the sexual intimacy of a girlfriend, and the stability of a wife - a role which Dave is constantly looking for in a woman, desperate for the security that comes with the concept.

Home Essay - AHWOSG

Examine the presentation of the theme of ‘home’ in (the first 104 pages of) AHWOSG

The theme of home is often presented in a way that alludes to the darker, more depressive concepts of AHWOSG. With the segregation from the neighbours, attempts at decor, poor living conditions and games involving the pretence of parent-child relationships, Eggers uses the concept of home to express Dave’s detachment from standard living arrangements and inability to adapt in order to provide Toph with a functional home environment.

Eggers presents the concept of neighbours in a distrustful light, as anyone looking in to their home or passing by are outsiders, grouped into the collective noun in the ominous statement “people know” when referring to the state of the family’s disrepair, more specifically his mothers illness. The repeated phrase sets a clear line between the Eggers’ family and outsiders, and continues as a theme throughout the book.For example, upon moving into their second home, Dave expresses that he and Toph “do very little in the way of mingling with the community.”, showing that they have made a habit of voluntarily isolating themselves from neighbours in order to avoid scrutiny at their unfortunate circumstances.

In terms of interior decoration, Eggers describes his family’s taste as being “inconsistent”, an adjective that inspires connotations of mismatched designs and homely charm. Although Eggers statement that “it could not be uglier”, the overall description of his childhood home gives a sense of fondness and familiarity, specifically with the metaphor of the ‘aesthetically disenfranchised furniture’ as being “troubled children and refugees from around the world” which the family has adopted, having seen the “beauty within” and being unable to turn it away. The description insights a feeling of attachment and vaguely begrudging affection, but this imagery is shortly dashed by the following descriptions of the homes various cases of dereliction and the phrase “The family room is usually dark.” The lexical choice of ‘dark’ encourages connotations of gloom and despair, adding to the image of the house as a “factory”, a place of monotonous labour and plumes of pollution.

The presentation of decoration as a device of pathetic fallacy follows through to the second home that Dave and Toph move into, when they attempt to “repaint the entire house”, an activity commonly associated with new beginnings, for example, the tradition of painting a baby’s room.

However, in Eggers description, he portrays the idea that Dave and Toph leave gaps, “skipping the corners” and leaving the job largely unfinished - this alludes to the idea that the activity is slapdash, an imitation of lovingly decorating a home for aestheticism and pride. The statement that the half-hearted job leaves the rooms “loose, fuzzy and Rothkoesque” perfectly summarises the image for the reader, with the lexical choices “loose” - giving connotations of languid strokes - “fuzzy” - inspiring connotations of blurred hurriedness - and “Rothkoesque” giving the allusion of grandiosity and tastefulness, all coming together to give the impression of metaphorically covering up the lack of familiarity and comfort of home. The pretence of a fully-functional family, able to thoughtfully decorate their home is deserted most pointedly with Dave painting superheroes on Toph’s bedroom wall for “decoration and protection” - the concept is desperate and pitiful to the reader, despite its sweet sentimentality. The idea seems forced in order to emulate the security and safeness proffered by a home.

The poor attempts at functionality is furthered by the entropy of living conditions, and Dave’s power play in order to appear as a stable parental figure for Toph. When they come to the realisation that “the place is ours, but its a mess”, Dave attempts to employ some stereotypical motivation for Toph to do the chores, with Eggers presenting the conversation as if it were a business transaction (“$2 a week in tax-free allowance”) in order to make a mockery of the semblance power imbalance that should be present in a parent-child relationship.The reader gets the impression of a childish interaction, which further weakens the idea of Dave as a responsible parental figure. 

By describing Dave’s behaviour with the adjective “slovenly”, and the family room as being in a “perpetual state of disrepair” the reader is given the imagery of a slobbish environment, unfit for living in. Dave is aware of this, and his realisation is followed by a hyper-vigilant spiel of Toph being taken away - “to a house which is kept clean - where the laundry is done properly and with a parental figure that can cook” a line that encapsulates each of the dysfunctional aspects of their current living arrangements.

Dave’s attempts to act like a responsible adult is further diminished by the crude role-play of a father and son Dave and Toph often play at the expense of their neighbours, and as an act is rather alarming when taken out of context.The sarcastic tone conveyed by the statement “our best trick is to pretend, for the benefit of the neighbours, that I’m beating Toph with a belt.” shows that Dave is rather proud of the game and see’s the act as amusing rather than inappropriate and  

immature.The fact that the reader knows of their fathers alcoholism and volatile violence destabilises the humour of the act and makes the concept rather dark and disconcerting for the reader.

In conclusion, the theme of home is often presented as a mode of pathetic fallacy, alluding to the stability of the Eggers family. It is an important device, used to show the true extent of the the destabilisation of functionality in the living arrangements of Dave and Toph in their second home. The concept is most accurately summed up by the statement “we feel temporary here, like house-sitters, vacationers” the lexical terms associated with provisional circumstances showing the instability and detachment from reality, as if they are merely on a holiday and allowed to act however they please, both lacking responsibility and sense of decorum with the lack of a stable home.

P.E.E. Paragraphs

English Homework - Gabriella Parker

Write a P.E.E Paragraph Identifying Literary and Linguistic Techniques for Teacher and Student Extract and Pages 53-57 (Drummer Hodge)

Teacher and Student

In the discourse between the teacher and the student named Alex, the teacher uses the rhetorical interrogative “ Is that a threat?” in order to take control of the power balance between the two in response to Alex’s ‘cheekily’ phrased interrogative “What if I don’t answer?”. This shows the assertion of dominance the teacher is applying over the student, challenging his disobedient behaviour in order to imply that there will consequential repercussions if Alex is in fact challenging his authority.

Drummer Hodge 

In direct contrast with the Teacher and Student, Hector uses a much more relaxed approach to analysing poetry. By using the loose interrogative, “ Any thoughts?” as an agenda-setting coax, his teaching style is more of a gentle encouragement that allows Posner’s personal interpretation to be expressed. In this way, it is clear to infer that there is an almost symmetrical power balance between Hector and Posner in their discourse, and it appears to be more of a conversation than a lesson.